What is Fun?
An incredible tool in our utility belt
Fun is the experience of getting to express a desired emotion assertively. Did you know that it is our job as those who can read and learn, to teach and coach others how to have fun? I did not until I watched Ben with Board Game School House explain it in his video. Being a coach is the difference between being a leader and being a boss. A boss is someone who tells someone what to do or else. A leader brings people along for the ride. So come with me to see how to lead others, maybe even children, to learn how to have fun.
Many people can only identify 3 emotions - Sad, Mad, and Happy. Not children, people! Let that sink in if you will. Can you identify more? Researchers have identified over one hundred words that identify different emotions. In some eastern cultures, seven core emotions or Chakras are central to full expression. These seven that people may want to experience are fear, guilt, disappointment, sadness, hurt, illusion, and anger. These emotions are not bad, they are simply how we define the pain in our bodies that spurs us to grow. Growth is necessary for life, and as such - so is pain. What we do with that pain determines how we feel about the emotions. If we are passive or aggressive with the pain, that will not result in a fun experience, but if we get to assert our pain and grow, we will say it was fun.
I did not know about these seven until I was watching Nickelodeon’s Avatar TV show with my son. In this clip, they delve into some theories behind the seven:
Being afraid is good, there are things that are healthy to be afraid of. For those who have fun experiencing fear, it is when they are able to assert their fear and grow in wisdom that they have fun or laugh. A boring experience is if they are seeking out fear but nothing comes. Likewise if they feel afraid but are not allowed to say they are afraid, that fear will turn inward and become anxiety. If that anxiety builds too much it will erupt in aggressive rage or fury against others or themselves in self harm. Feeling fear is painful, but allowing the fear to flow can become incredibly fun. One of my favorite games to play to feel fear or dread is Shadows over Camelot. If you can’t find a copy, this person made a print and play file that you can use to play, that is Monty Python Themed!
Being willing to admit our guilt is good, and it is the key to knowing ourselves and being known by others. When we admit that we are wrong, made a mistake, or did something that was wrong, it allows us to seek forgiveness and reconciliation from others. Some crave to be known and have fun doing so, while others would rather avoid it. When people break the rules of a game or social contract, either wittingly or by accident, they get to wrestle with the feeling of guilt. When someone is able to confess their wrongdoing, and seek forgiveness from others, it is freeing. When we reject our own guilt, we passively judge others. When we deny others the right to be guilty, we blame and become hypocritical. Everyone messes up, it isn’t fun to blame and judge, but it can be fun to mess up and be forgiven of your mistake, and continue to live and play. My favorite game to play to feel guilt is Scythe as it has many rules that are hard to remember, so when I mess up I can go to my other players and apologize.
Being disappointed is normal when something is expected. It is key to growth as no one can do everything the first time they try something. The word embarrassment is tied up in disappointment, and it is when something happens that wasn’t expected, and others help us recognize that it isn’t a big deal, it may have had it happen to them as well. Humiliation is the judgment of disappointment and turns it into shame. When we reject others' help after feeling disappointed, it becomes narcissism. Humility is having a sober judgment of our own abilities or standing, and it is the benefit for asserting that we are disappointed. Helping others feel embarrassed when they are disappointed, instead of humiliated, is one way to have fun with this emotion as is letting others help us. I recently played On a Scale of 1 to T-Rex, and it was very embarrassing, but everyone was participating in it, so even though I was disappointed, I had a great time.
It is normal to lose. All of us go through loss all the time depending on a certain point of view. When we assert that we are sad that we have lost, it allows us to honor what has been lost, to be thankful and grateful for what we had, and it helps us grow in our ability to love. Love has been defined as an act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of its object (Voddie Baucham). The emotion that presumes love is loss. When we reject our rights to feel loss, we pity ourselves. When we reject others' right to feel loss, we become apathetic. Sorrow is the key to asserting that we have loved something, and allows us to deepen our love for the thing. When gambling, or playing a game in which we lose - we assert that we loved the time we had, or the points we scored, or the things we built before we lost them. It is truly a possibility to have fun with your friends, even when you are losing (Board Game Barrage).
Hurt is easily confused with pain. The English word hurt is defined here as the pain from being lied to, or being falsely accused. “You hurt my feelings when you said that thing about me”. It is the feeling of pain in the neck, like “a knife to the throat” or “you stabbed me in the back”. Lying to others or ourselves when life is on the line is theft from truth. When we deny our right to the truth, or lie to ourselves, we go down the path of resentment. If we deny other’s right to the truth, we often experience rejection. However, many find it fun to agree when lying is okay. There are extreme examples of people having fun lying to each other, and if they need to seek forgiveness for it, that is another opportunity to have fun. However, most games that players lie to each other in, do not need forgiveness, and are a part of the social contract.
Insight is the sixth emotion to have fun with, and it is driven from the pain of illusion. It differs from hurt in that we are not being lied to, rather we did not have a clear understanding of reality. It is not disappointment, though we can feel disappointed if we expected something to happen that didn’t. Insight is the feeling that we understand something a little deeper. It allows us to know things more, and be known more. When interacting with others, and something happens that surprises us, that they were not trying to surprise us with, we can reject our rights to know things and feel lonely and reclusive. If we reject others' right to know us, we can aggressively be an outcast. Asserting the illusion, and seeing things for what they are, can be incredibly fun. Playing games with others and seeing how we and they react to situations can be incredibly insightful and fun. Also, playing a game by yourself to see how the mechanisms work and learning the game on a deeper level can be fun.
It is normal to feel anger, and it is the key to change. It has been said that if we aren’t changing, we aren’t growing, and to not grow is to die. Anger is the feeling that something needs to change, either ourselves, others, or the environment. When we reject our right to change things, we become depressed. When we reject others' right to change things, we become prideful. Michael Jackson said it best in his song “Man in the Mirror”: If they wanna make the world a better place Take a look at yourself and then make a change. Most people when playing a game want to make a change. Even games like Candy Land, where the base rules don’t allow players to make a decision, still have players taking turns. They change their place from the start to somewhere on the end. Check out Ben’s video to learn how to use Candyland for good!
Having fun is getting to express the desired emotion assertively, and there are many other emotions that have been defined using a combination of these 21 in conjunction with situations and motives. After having a fun time, people can experience happiness and joy. The Hebrew word of Happiness or Gladness is “Simmha” and it is the feeling of having our desires met for the benefit of ourselves. Joy on the other hand is the Hebrew word “Sasson” and it is when we sacrifice our own desires for the good of the environment or others. Our desire may be to rage in fear and turn the table over, but when we sacrifice that desire and simply assert that we feel fear, others benefit and we get to enjoy our experience a little bit more. It is loving to let go or lose our desire to experience an emotion, and that is the foundation of joy. If you want to experience more joy, consider the advice of Tim Chester: As you deny yourself to love others, the more joy you experience - and that too, can be fun!